Week of 27 May 2009

(SPOILER ALERT: This post contains spoilers. Don't read it before you've read the comic.)

SUPERMAN #688 (7/09)
"The Fall and Rise of Jonathan Kent"
ROLL CALL: Matter-Eater Lad [Mitch], Mon-El, Sensor Girl [Wilcox], Tellus

Mon-El's powers are on-again, off-again. Doctor Light (Doctor Light?) explains that the mysterious anti-lead serum is at war with his super-powers, and that his powers will continue to fail at times convenient to the plot.

Seems to me that Supergirl had this problem once, and her father invented various devices (an exo-skeleton, then some magic power discs) that allowed her to have some measure of continuous power. And her Legion flight ring came in handy, too. Maybe Mon could use a flight ring....

In this issue Mon-El gets a little boyfriend. His name's Mitch, he works in the restaurant downstairs, and apparently he's been watching Mon pretty closely for a a while. He's obviously crushing on Jon Kent pretty badly. Who can blame him?

Mon and the Guardian break into General Lane's headquarters and rescue Tellus. So is there going to be time-paradox trouble between Mon and Tellus? I don't think so. Tellus, remember, is a telepath -- so presumably he has read Mon's mind and knows that this version of Mon-El has never met him before. I also assume that there will be some kind of telepathic jiggery-pokery so that Mon won't remember meeting Tellus (or maybe a thousand years in the Phantom Zone will take care of that.)

The bad thing is that the war between Mon's serum and his powers will continue until he dies, in a year to eighteen months. According to Doctor Light, that well-known expert on Daxamite physiology and mysterious serums. What does this mean? Well, it means that just about the time the New Krypton storyline finishes up and Supes no longer needs Mon, he'll be able to pop Mon back into the Phantom Zone and be rid of him once again.

You know, Supes is coming off as a real bastard here. No wonder the Earth-Prime version of Mon-El came out of the Zone and started punching anybody wearing the "S" symbol.

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I got my Mattel Legion figures (pictured above). Notice how the boys all have the same body, differing only in paint jobs. And once you get your figures, notice how each one has a tiny little yellow flight ring painted on the middle finger of their right hands. What attention to detail.

The three boys all have their right hands made into fists. Presumably this is so that thy can engage in action poses, punching bad guys...but it also makes it fairly easy to arrange the boys in a fairly rude tableau where they are pleasuring one another like Boy Scouts at camp (see below). I'm sure that wasn't Mattel's intention, but it's pretty cool anyway.

Week of 20 May 2009

(SPOILER ALERT: This post contains spoilers. Don't read it before you've read the comic.)

Scraping the Bottom of the Barrel

I did not see any actual LSH appearances in DC comics this week. However....

THE BRAVE & THE BOLD #23 (7/09)
"Shadows of Tomorrow"

Booster Gold and Magog star, and Booster's Legion Flight Ring is prominent on the cover. But that's not what makes this issue of tangential interest to Legion fans. On the first page, inside Rip Hunter's lab, there are some scribblings on the blackboard. Now, longtime readers know that Rip Hunter's blackboard is a tease, supposedly showing things about the future (or possible futures).

Here are the Legion-related graffiti on Rip's blackboard this time:

BRAINIAC 5, 7 OR 12 ??!!

PROTY 1 OR PROTY II: WHICH IS GUILTY?

What does it all mean? Probably nothing.

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Meanwhile, over in SUPERGIRL, the enigmatic Superwoman turned out to be someone with no discernable connection to the Legion. Oh, no, wait, she is the sister-in-law of a Legionnaire.

Which raises an interesting question. Given the Legion's long history in the DC Multiverse(s), and their inclusion in crossover events such as Crisis on Infinite Earths, Final Night, and others -- and including L.E.G.I.O.N. and R.E.B.E.L.S. as part of the game...can anyone name some regular DC characters who have absolutely no connection with the Legion?


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Week of 13 May 2009

(SPOILER ALERT: This post contains spoilers. Don't read it before you've read the comics.)

ACTION #877 (7/09)
"The Sleepers Part 3"
ROLL CALL: Mon-El

And there he is, on a video screen on page 8: Mon-El.

Meanwhile, Chris Kent is looking good. His time in the Phantom Zone has aged him and given him the power to instantly repair shredded clothing. I don't suppose there's any chance that he'll join the Legion when this is all over, but now that he's old enough, maybe we'll get to see him and Mon-El have some "adventures" together.

I'm still a little lost in the complexities of this New Krypton/World Without Superman plot, but I trust all will be revealed in time.

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R.E.B.E.L.S. #4 (7/09)
"From Beyond"
ROLL CALL: Amon Hakk, Bounder, Ciji, Getorix, Skwaul, Strata, Vril Dox, Wildstar
ROLL CALL (Omega Men): Broot, Darkfire, Doc, Elu, Tigorr

Lots of aliens. Khunds, a Durlan, Dominators (all first introduced in Legion comics), Psions....also references to Okaarans and the Gil'Dishpan.

Some nice moments in this issue. We know that Dominators have a caste society, with status indicated by the size of the red disks on their foreheads. In a really nice touch, the Dominator Emperor's disk is so big that it covers his entire face.

And some very funny lines. "I'd repeat it, but my wife hates that word." The Durlan who threatens "Will you give me the frequency, or do I have to get ugly?" Believe me, you don't want to see a Durlan get ugly.

And there are some lovely entries from the Encyclopedia Galactica, including one that lists "the five static modes of interstellar travel" as subspace rift, stargate, transmatter jumpgate, fold space, & magic.

R.E.B.E.L.S. continues to be fun & interesting, the art is really good, and there are a lot of connections to the Legion.

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Week of 6 May 2009

I did not see any LSH content in DC comics this week.

However, Empyre Comics was having a gigantic $1-a-comic back issue sale, and I had an extra hour or so. Anyway, I picked up some of the more obscure LSH-related items on my wantlist/ For example, the four-issue SUPER POWERS miniseris from September thru December 1986. The sole LSH-related item was the appearance of Tyr (yes, the guy with the mohawk and weapon hand) as a villain.

How did the warlord of Tyrraz appear in 1986? A text page in issue #2, writeen in interview format, gave an answer of sorts:

"Yes, it does seem rather preplexing, doesn't it? But the answer is simple, really. First of all, in the 30th century time travel is akin to a trip on your subway. And secondly, if the price is right, I'll go anywhere."

I also picked up ACTION #665 (5/91) [one panel flashback showing Legionnaires and Dev-Em], SUPERMAN #65 (3/92) & #66 (4/92) [Valor in the "Panic in the Sky" storyline, THE POWER OF SHAZAM #43 (10/98) [one-panel flashback showing Thunder], and TALES OF THE LSH #340 (10/86), which was a reprint of a story that appeared a year earlier in Baxter format. At the time, I didn't buy many of the TALES comics, but now I figure they're worth picking up for the original cover art and lettercols...and, truth be told, because I am an insane completist).

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Gayest...Story...Ever

Some people just don't believe that there is any sort of gay relationship between Superboy and Mon-El. To those scoffers, I present this nostalgic look at the story that introduced Mon-El: "Superboy's Big Brother" in Superboy #89 in June 1961.

WARNING: This story was very, very gay; this discussion will get fairly explicit. If that bothers you, leave now.

The action starts as soon as Mon-El lands.

ABOVE: With Mon unconscious, Kal can't resist sticking his hands in Mon's pockets.

ABOVE: Kal uses his x-ray vision to look under Mon's clothes.

ABOVE: As Mon awakes, Kal takes his hand.

ABOVE: Mon uses the old "I was so drunk last night, I don't remember what we did" ploy. Kal plays along.

ABOVE: Kal realizes how hot Mon is.

ABOVE: Kal can't keep his hands off Mon. Can you blame him?

ABOVE: Kal enjoys having Mon enter his secret tunnel, which helps Kal to come. (I am not making this up, that's what it says.)

ABOVE: Mon keeps pointing to his mouth, hoping Kal will take the hint and give him a kiss.

ABOVE: Kal can't wait to take Mon to meet Mom and Dad. The boys finish up what they were doing in the basement, and Kal puts his clothes on.

ABOVE: The sight of so much meat hanging there reminds Kal of Mon, and inspires Kal to demonstrate how well he can blow.

ABOVE: Kryptonian Eye for the Daxamite Guy: Kal gets Mon some cool clothes and dresses him up. "Daddy" Kent falls under Mon's spell and can't resist undressing him.

ABOVE: Hey, Mon, let me teach you about the earth custom called "doggy style."

ABOVE: Getting ready for bed, Mon undresses while Kal sneaks a closer peek.

ABOVE: "An hour later, when Mon-El falls asleep..." Wonder what went on during that hour? (I am not making this up.)

ABOVE: Kal has a great new toy that the boys can play with in bed. Sure, it involves a little pain, but that can be fun when you're invulnerable. The safe word is "Serum XY-4."

ABOVE: Mon feels great after a "wonderful" night. Kal hangs around outside the bathroom while Mon's in there; Mon leaves the door open. I've seen porn videos that start out this way....

ABOVE: Mon bends over in front of Kal...who takes full advantage of the situation.

Mon suggests a three-way with Kal and Lana, but Kal is in no mood to share.

Mon can't wait to strip and have another go at Kal's secret tunnel. (I swear, I am not making this up.)

ABOVE: Won't Mon be surprised when Kal's balls land on him?

ABOVE: Is that a petrified tree trunk, or is Kal just glad to see Mon? And isn't it sweet how Mon is concerned that both boys arrive at the same time?

ABOVE: "Send me to the Phantom Zone" is Daxamite slang for really spectacular gay sex.

ABOVE: Mon's huge, hard "bat" makes contact with one of Kal's balls. Both boys are enjoying this.

ABOVE: Now it's Kal's turn to swing his hard, long pole around while Mon admires the enormous package.

ABOVE: Two big, long tubes with huge, swollen heads spring up.

ABOVE: First Kal wants to talk about how the boys could jack the monster, but then he has a better idea: "You take one head! I'll take the other!"

ABOVE: Two giant, swollen heads erupt, spitting hot stuff all over the two boys. (I am NOT making this up.)

ABOVE: Mon is having great fun as he touches one of the heads and it explodes. Meanwhile, Kal sees some balls that catch his interest.

ABOVE: Now Mon wants Kal to finish first. Isn't that sweet?

ABOVE: As the boys are in the shower together, Kal's balls make Mon gag. Mon is so overwhelmed by the fun that he can hardly move.

ABOVE: After all the excitement, Kal tenderly cradles Mon in his arms.

ABOVE: Kal gets another toy so that he and Mon can role-play being prisoners together.

ABOVE: Unfortunately, when all is said and done, Kal is a slut as well as a tease. Once he's done with his one-night trick, he never wants to see or hear from Mon again.

Week of 29 April 2009

(SPOILER ALERT: This post contains spoilers. Don't read it before you've read the comics.)

FINAL CRISIS: LEGION OF THREE WORLDS #4 (6/09)
"Legion of 3 Worlds Book Four"

ROLL CALL (Retro Legion): Blok, Bouncing Boy (image), Brainiac 5, Chameleon Baby (image), Cosmic Boy, Dawnstar, Dream Girl (image), Duo Damsel (image), Invisible Tot (Lyle) (image), Invisible Kid (Jacques) (image), Karate Kid (Myg) (image), Lightning Lad, Lightning Lass, Mon-El, Night Girl, Phantom Girl, Polar Boy, Saturn Girl, Shadow Lass, Starman/Star Boy, Sun Boy, Superman, Utra Boy, White Witch, Wildfire

ROLL CALL (Earth-247 Legion): Andromeda, Apparition (image), Brainiac 5, Cosmic Boy, Dreamer, Ferro, Gates, Gear, Kid Quantum, Kinetix (dies), LeVIathan, Live Wire, Saturn Girl, Sensor, Shikari, Spark, Star Boy, Superboy (Conner Kent), Timber Wolf, Ultra Boy, Umbra, Valor/M'Onel, Wildfire, XS

ROLL CALL (Earth-Prime Legion): Atom Girl (image), Brainiac 5, Chameleon (image), Colossal Boy (image), Element Lad (dies), Invisible Kid, Light Lass, Lightning Lad, Phantom Girl, Projectra, Shadow Lass, Star Boy, Sun Boy (deceased), Timber Wolf, Triplicate Girl, Ultra Boy

ROLL CALL (LSV): Black Mace, Cosmic King, Dr Regulus (image), Emerald Empress, Glorith (image), Grimbor, Hunter, Lightning Lord, Mordru, Persuader, Saturn Queen, Superboy-Prime, Tharok (image), Time Trapper, Titania (image), Zymyr (dies?)

ROLL CALL (Friends & Relations): Comet Queen (image), Green Lantern (Rond Vidar) (image), Green Lantern (Sodam Yat), Kid Flash (Bart Allen), Marella Tao

BITS OF LEGIONNAIRE BUSINESS: On page 25, Polar Boy calls Sun Boy "Drake." Sun Boy's first name is "Dirk." Wildfire is "Drake." It's an easy mistake to make, especially if you've just got beaten up by Superboy-Prime. Orange glowing guy, radiation springing from his hands? Besides, Polar Boy has never stopped longing for a repeat of the really hot three-way he had with Sun Boy and Wildfire that one night....

WHO'S DEAD? So far, R.J. Brande, Myg and Rond Vidar from the Retro Legion, Kinetix from the Earth-247 Legion, Element Lad and Sun Boy from the Earth-Prime Legion.

WHO WAS DEAD, BUT GOT BETTER? Bart Allen, Conner Kent

WHO WAS IN THE LIGHTNING ROD? The youthful essence of Bart Allen.

WHAT EARTH IS THE TEENAGE REVOLUTION LEGION FROM? Either Earth-Prime or a world enough like it that its Kryptonite affects Superboy-Prime.

WHERE IS CHAMELEON BOY? Still missing and unaccounted for.

WHERE IS TELLUS? In the 21st century, in a tank in the Cadmus facility.

WHICH MON-EL IS THE ONE IN SUPERMAN? Presumably, the Retro Legion Mon-El.

WHERE DID THE EARTH-PRIME MON-EL COME FROM? YOU KNOW, THE ONE WHO WENT BACK IN THE PHANTOM ZONE IN THE 31st CENTURY? Uh...sometimes time travel messes up your memories. That's what must have happened here. Yeah, that's the ticket.

WHAT ARE CHUCK AND LUORNU DOING? AND WHO IS SHE NOW, ANYWAY? TRIPLICATE GIRL, DUO DAMSEL, SINGLE SIS? Okay, she was Triplicate Girl until Computo killed one of her bodies. She was Duo Damsel until the Conspiracy, when the Time Trapper killed one of her bodies (which may or may not still be in continuity). Later, she got that body back (which may or may not still be in continuity.) Then one of her bodies went back to the 21st century with Val, where she used the name Una. Both Una and Val died. Presumably one Luornu is still left. My theory is that she & Chuck are (a) babysitting the Ranzz kids, or (b) helping Chameleon Boy with his secret mission which will Save the Day.

WHERE IS MAGNETIC KID? Superman made reference to the Magic Wars, so it is possible that Magnetic Kid is still dead. He joined at the same time as Tellus, Quislet, Sensor Girl, and Polar Boy, so it's unlikely that his membership has been erased from Legion continuity.

WHERE IS QUISLET? Waiting in the wings, ready to "poop" into Superboy-Prime and make him explode. Yay, Quislet!

WHEN IS THE LAST ISSUE DUE OUT? Not...soon...enough.

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JUSTICE SOCIETY OF AMERICA #26 (6/09)
"Happy Birthday Stargirl"
ROLL CALL: Starman/Star Boy

The whole JSA (including Starman) throws a surprise birthday party for Stargirl. then all of them troop into the dentist's office with her, where it turns out that she doesn't get her braces removed.

No, honest, I am not making this up. That's what happens. Apparently this is the last issue for this creative team. It feels like the last issue of the comic, but it's not: JSA is on the DC regular schedule for the next few months.

There are three covers; only one of them has Thom on it. Choose wisely.

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SUPERMAN #687 (6/09)
"Power and Wekness"
ROLL CALL: Mon-El, Sensor Girl [Wilcox], Tellus

Mon-El continues to learn under the tutelage of The Guardian. The Guardian assembles a strike team of S.P.s (incuding Mon in his Jonathan Kent identity) to rescue Tellus, who is still in a tank in Cadmus headquarters. And Mon, flying off after completing a mission, suddenly loses his powers. (I think I saw the Parasite skulking around earlier, so he's probably stolen them.)

BITS OF LEGIONNAIRE BUSINESS: This issue addresses the question of Mon-El's secret identity: specifically, how to disguise the fact that he is a dead ringer for Jonathan Kent (who is never around when Mon-El shows up). Apparently, Supes implanted a device in Mon's neck, a device which makes his facial features indistinct (the same gimmick that Jay Garrick uses as the Flash.) Both Mon and the Guardian seem to realize that this isn't exactly the most dependable solution in the world, so they're going to work on things. (Meanwhile, Mon's features seem perfectly distinct to the reader and in surveillance footage from Project 7734.) Just one more indication that the Man of Steel didn't put a whole lot of thought or planning into this Mon-El-will-replace-me thing.



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