Week of 26 August 2009

(SPOILER ALERT: This post contains spoilers. Don't read it before you've read the comics.)

SUPERMAN #691 (10/09)
"Codename: Patriot Part 4"
ROLL CALL: Mon-El

Mirabai, disguised as Supergirl, leads Mon-El into the Metropolis sewers, where she ambushes him and he is, for some reason, knocked out by Reactron. (Does Gold Kryptonite affect Daxamites? It never did before...) Then the sewers explode, and Mon is presumed dead.

Why everyone assumes that a few punches from non-Super people and some run-of-the-mill explosions could kill a guy who goes sunbathing in the sun, I have no idea. Maybe because Mon-El is under the influence of a power greater than Daxamites, Kryptonians, or any other force in the DC Universe: the script. Script says "Mon-el is knocked out and everyone assumes he's dead," and that's what happens.

When you look up "good storytelling" in the dictionary, they do not have a picture of this story.

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SUPERMAN'S PAL JIMMY OLSEN SPECIAL #2 (10/09)
"The Death of Jimmy Olsen"
ROLL CALL: Mon-El

Jimmy is afraid that Codename: Assassin is coming after him. Mon-El assures him that he has nothing to fear; Mon will respond to his signal watch.

Then Codename: Assassin comes after Jimmy, and Mon-El doesn't respond to the signal watch. This is because Mon-El is presumed dead in the sewers of Metropolis. So Codename: Assassin shoots Jimmy, who falls into the water, bleeding profusely.

Okay, first of all, I doubt that Jimmy is dead...and even if he is, he'll be back. Death isn't the handicap it used to be. It doesn't slow down your career the way it did in the old days.

Second, before anyone accuses Mon-El of dereliction of duty, I think it only fair to point out that at the same time Jimmy was getting shot, Supes was ignoring both the signal watch and a terrorist attack on Metropolis, and instead was chasing his way off to New Krypton for a fabulous party with his aunt and his New Kryptonian posse. Mon-El at least had the excuse of being (somehow) beaten half-to-death by Mirabai and Reactron, and further inconvenienced by some explosions that had to seriously tickle....

...You know what? I can't go on. This whole General Lane/Who-is-Superwoman?/Codename: Stupidity storyline has been a disaster from page one, and I just can't even try to take it seriously any more. No more trying to piece together this sloppy narrative. I'm just going to look at the pretty pictures of Mon-El and cute Kryptonian boys, and drool quietly in the corner.

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FLASH: REBIRTH #4 (9/09)
ROLL CALL: Not XS, certainly

The long-awaited FLASH: REBIRTH #4 arrived this week, and once again it features every important speedster in the DC Universe...with the exception of Jenni Ognats (aka XS). Well, okay, the Tornado Twins are also absent...which just makes the rampant anti-LSH bias in this comic even more obvious.

I mean, at the end of L3W #5, Jenni could've said, "Okay, Bart, I'll go back to the 21st century with you just long enough to participate in FLASH: REBIRTH, then my flight ring will catapult me forward to the exact time I left." But nooooo.

Mon-El knocked out & presumed dead, XS cruelly banished from the Flash Family Reunion...what is it with DC and Legionnaires?

Pshaw!

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