Monday, January 02, 2012

Week of 14 December 2011

LEGON LOST 4 (2012/02)

Chameleon Girl, Dawnstar, Tellus, Timber Wolf, Tyroc, Wildfire, Alastor

CUTE BOYS: Brin, Troy, Various cops and students at University of Minnesota

Dawnstar gets her turn as narrator this time around, and we learn why she's never pursued a career at the Discovery Channel.

We left Brin and Yera in the mall, where Yera was struggling to control her body form while the cops are panicking. She explains that she only has half of her Durlan body-mass, not enough to control, and she reverts to the alien form. Tyroc and Wildfire arrive, and in the ensuing confusion Year escapes. Brin goes after her, leaving Drake and Troy to deal with the cops.

We learn that Tyroc delayed the mission to pck a lot of supplies into the time bubble's tesseract storage chamber, which is now inaccessible. Wildfire hints that Troy knew something was going to go wrong with the mission. This presupposes that Tyroc has the 12th level intelligence that would be necessary to get anything coherent from this narrative.

The boys catch up with Brin, who has caught up with Yera, who is unconscious. Suddenly the Black Razors show up, shouting their name in Highly Significant Huge Red Letters. Yes, you read that right...the major revelation of this issue is that the Legion is being tracked by none other than The Black Razors. No! I hear you gasp, not the Black Razors! Who could have expected THAT surprise turn of events? This is a revelation that rivals the big reveal of Sensor Girl's true identity, or the reveal that the ultimate villain behind the Great Darkness was Darkseid! I hear you take a breath, then add, By the way, who the hell are the Black Razors?

Why, the Black Razors are...uh...wait, I recognize their logo, I got nothin'. I know, let's try Google! A search for "Black Razors" DC Comics reveals...uh, nothing pertinent.

I know, I know! Maybe the Black Razors are something that the writer invented just for this series, and then chose to reveal in such a dramatic method in hopes that everyone would be so dazzled by the drama that they'd forget to say "What the hell?"

News flash...readers of Legion Lost have never stopped saying "What the hell?"

Ahem. Back to the issue. Dawnstar finds Alastor hiding at the University of Minnesota. She swoops down and snatches him away, dropping him in a nearby swamp where she and Tellus confront him. But Alastor refuses to listen to reason (wow, who'd'a guessed that the wacko racist villain wouldn't listen to reason?) and tells them that he has full control of his transformation. He transforms to his monster form, which contains Carggite DNA so he's able to split into three. Suddenly, Dawny's plan doesn't look so clever.

The issue ends with the standard horrify threat that there will be another one.

News is that the writer is bailing out of this train wreck with issue #6. Good riddance. Maybe they can find someone to throw dice or string together random words from the dictionary or whatever his plotting device is. Or maybe they'll just cancel the title and send the lost Legionnaires back where they belong.

I really hope that Gates has gone to get someone competent to end this misery.

Legion Universe: Brainiac 5, Chameleon Boy, Cosmic Boy, Lightning Lad, Saturn Girl, Shadow Lass
Cameos: Blok, Bouncing Boy, Colossal Boy, Dawnstar, Dream Girl, Duo Damsel, Invisible Kid (Jacques), Karate Kid (Val), Light Lass, Mon-El, Phantom Girl, SHrinking Violet, Star Boy, Sun Boy, Superboy, Supergirl, Timber Wolf, Ultra Boy, White Witch, Wildfire, Domintors, Khunds, Time Trapper, Universo

Imperial Planets universe: The Imperial Elite: (Emerald Empress), Emerald Eye, (Mano), Slar (Persuader), Ruk (Tharok), (Validus)

CUTE BOYS: Brainy, Garth, Rokk, Chekov, Kirk, McCoy, Spock, Sulu, Trelane (and did anyone else notice little Alexander Rozhenko and Harlak on the cover with all the Klingons and Khunds?)

The Legionnaires and the Enterprise crew battle until they overcome their mutual hostility and decide they are on the same side. Each side produces a two-page spread about their respective universes. Brainy and Spock reveal that this is not a third alternate universe; this is, instead, the two universes have merged. Unless they can undo the merge, they're doomed to remain in this version of reality.

Before they can decide what to do, they're attacked by The Imperial Elite, this universe's version of the Fatal Five. The Enterprise crewmembers pair with individual Leigonnaires to defeat the bad guys; each pair gets a single page to do so.

Then Spock and Brainy refit a flying platform into a time machine, and Our Heroes split into two groups. Brainy, Imra, Rokk, Checkov, McCoy, and Spock go back in time to determine when this timeline diverged from reality, and the rest stay in the present (because the platform can only handle six). The stay-at-homes go off to track down the other time anomaly.

This series continues to be intriguing, and the parallels between the two universes continue to be delightful. If Jeff Roberson, the writer, ever wants a job writing the Legion, I would not object. As a matter of fact, once Legion Lost has died a deserved death, let's resurrect Adventure and give it to him. Or bring back the Wanderers. What are the Heroes of Lallor doing nowadays?

I don't know if I'm the first, but I'd like to enthusiastically call for a second Star Trek/Legion series once this one is done.


The big thrill this issue is the Imperial Elite, a nicely-merged version of the Fatal Five.

The Emerald Empress is an Orion woman -- they're green, after all, and deadly.

Mano is a Benzite, which is inspired. As far as I know, the Benzites didn't appear in the original Star Trek, but they are a Federation race who need breathing gear to survive in Earth environments. That's the nearest thing in the Star Trek universe to the poisonous atmosphere of Mano's homeworld Angtu. Good call.

The Persuader is a Gorn slaver named Slar, from the Star Trek: Enterprise episode "In a Mirror Darkly Part II." Great strength, armored skin, barbaric -- another good call.

Tharok is Ruk. In the Star Trek universe, Ruk was an android (played by Ted Cassidy) from the episode "What Are Little Girls Made Of?" Another good call, although honestly I had to look him up in Memory Alpha to remember him.

Validus is a Mugatu complete with single horn and see-through forehead. Unreasoning brute. Good call.


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